Baby Steps

Toward the end of my superfunk, I started to feel at my wit’s end with respect to how to go about losing the rest of this weight. I tried to get back to my Weight Watchers roots, everyday, pulling out my journal, ready to write down everything I ate and count up the POINTS. This had always been my “ace in the hole”. Accountability in this way was key for me and I knew that anytime I wasn’t journaling, I was most likely straying from the program. But, as hard as I tried to go back to the tools that I alway relied on, it wasn’t working for me. I couldn’t get a handle on it. Then, I thought I would try out the “non-counting” alternative of the Weight Watchers program (Momentum), but, again, there was that list of foods to choose from. I felt so lost and anxious. I knew I had to get my eating under control and back on track, but the insecurity I was feeling was overwhelming me.

After much reflection, I decided to let myself trust. Trust that I can make healthy food choices, trust that I can eat enough to make me feel satisfied, trust my body to give me the right cues and trust that I won’t eat a pan of brownies because I “shouldn’t” have had them to begin with. Trust that no foods should be off limits, IF I TRULY wanted them.

I started out last Tuesday with this new process. I knew this would not be an overnight epiphany. Baby steps. That’s what I kept reminding myself everyday. It will take some time to undo a lifetime of The Dieting Mind, but so far my body is responding well and my mind feels liberated.

It was way hot this morning. Too hot for an outdoor run. I hit the treadmill and planned on running 30 minutes, but got into such a good groove, I pushed it to 40 minutes. I could’ve run longer, but the daughters were clamoring for some breakfast!

I made myself a slice of Trader Joe’s Organic Spelt Bread topped with a wedge of Laughing Cow Light and a beautious plum …

Then, the daughters and I hopped in the car, cranked up the AC and headed out to forage for some school supplies. We all became hungry and cranky (lots of “Ouch – Quit It’s and “She’s Stepping, Poking, Talking to Me’s”). Ugh. I needed food! I decided to use up some of the leftover salad from last night’s dinner. I added some sauteed shrimp, put it over some baby spinach and topped it with a sprinkle of parmesan. I loved all the tastes…

Even though this salad was filling, I still felt like I wanted something. I sat for a bit, to see if it would pass. I think I made it to the halfway mark and decided that I would take a small handful of cheese crackers…

But, I only ended up eating half the handful. As I was eating them, I enjoyed the first few, then realized that I didn’t need anymore, so I put the rest back! Whoa, that has never happened before! A small step showing that if you listen, your bod will let you know when it’s had enough.

The rest of the afternoon was a joyous event of grocery shopping with the cranky people. Is it September, yet???? We got home late in the afternoon and I was feeling hungry. I thought maybe I should wait until dinner, but my stomach did not agree. I was cutting a loaf of bread to freeze and decided to have a small slice with a bit of sharp cheddar, mmmmmm…

I made up an iced coffee to get me through the rest of the afternoon with the cranky people…

I planned on grilled burgers for dinner; something we all like. I especially love this ground beef from Trader Joe’s. It’s 96% lean (150 cal. and 5 gr. fat for 4 oz.) and is a great price @ $3.99 lb.!

I made plain burgers for the daughters, but decided to play up mine a bit. I stuffed mine with a slice of Asiago cheese ,sauteed baby bella mushrooms and onion. They grilled up perfectly! I put it on a Pepperidge Farms Deli Flat and topped it with some baby spinach. Gram’s green beans were a great side…

So good…

I did a little dessert tonight, too. I’ll admit this was an impulse eat. I definitely wasn’t hungry; dinner was really good enough. But, the daughters wanted to make chocolate chip banana bread and when it was done, I felt the old dieting feelings making their way to the surface..Should I, Shouldn’t I? I decided it was okay. It’s okay to eat banana bread. Not the whole bread, to get rid of it so you’ll never have to deal with it again. Just enough to feel satisfied. So, I ate a piece…

And it was great and that was that. I don’t have to worry all night long that there is still a loaf down in the kitchen or conjure up different “hiding” spots so that I can try to forget that it is there. I know I can have a piece if I want and it’s okay. And knowing that makes me think I don’t really want it so much anymore. Baby steps =)

Have a great night, everyone!