I Am Quitting
I’ve been having a rough couple of days. I got on the scale the other day and I didn’t like what I saw. I know I have eaten more than I should have and dipped into all of my Weekly Allowance POINTS. I know from past experience, that usually doesn’t work for me, but I tried it anyway.
I know that I shouldn’t have gotten on the scale because I was fairly certain it was going to show more than I wanted to see. But, I did get on and I let it affect me even though it’s just a dumb machine that spits out numbers. I have given it control again and let it rule me. I know it’s stupid. I have gotten lots of comments and emails telling me to forget about the scale and don’t let it run me. I appreciate them all; I really do, but it is hard to release my feelings associated with it.
Honestly, I felt like throwing in the towel. I took a long hard look at myself and what I’ve been doing. I read over many of my posts this past year and I see the same theme again and again: Try…fall off wagon…complain…huff…sigh…beat myself up…rework it…rethink it…try to figure it out…recommit…try…fall off wagon…., etc. But, I seem to keep ending up in the same place. I’m tired of reading it (I’m sure you guys are too!). I’m tired of blogging about it. I seriously thought about quitting it all…trying to get to goal, trying to do the work to get there…and blogging. I was ready to leave it all.
As I was having all these feelings, I logged into my Google Reader and Sheryl’s blog, Bitch Cakes, was one of the first posts to come up. I have been following Sheryl’s blog since I began blogging. She has been doing WW for quite some time and always has such valuable insight for this journey. This day was no different. She is always such a positive person. She, like me, has been on this weight loss journey for a long time and has been trying to reach goal for a while. I have never seen a post where she is whining, complaining or boo-hooing about it. She just keeps going and working at it.
And in reading her post, I came to a realization of how I’d like to approach the rest of this journey…
I am quitting beating myself up about overeating. I truly am. I have been overeating for my entire life. I tried to think back to a time when I didn’t have an issue with it, but I couldn’t think of one. I seriously can remember as far back to being in grade school and overeating/binge eating after school. It’s been an awfully long time that I’ve had this problem. And I can’t expect a lifetime of it to go away easily. It will take a while to undo those behaviors, so I am quitting putting the pressure on myself to have this just disappear.
I am quitting whining about it all on my blog; I am quitting making excuses about "the whys" when I overeat and I am quitting feeling like a failure because I can’t (or won’t) get these last 15 pounds off.
Don’t get me wrong and think that I am giving up on getting to goal. I would like to get to goal and I will keep trying. I can’t give up because I won’t go back to being 234 pounds. But, I’ve made myself to feel like the 60ish pounds that I’ve lost don’t matter unless I get to my final “destination”. I want to celebrate the fact that, regardless of whether or not I make it to goal, I have lost over 60 pounds. It is an accomplishment and I am healthier than I’ve ever been in my whole life.
So, my vibe on this blog is definitely going to change. I am going to be kinder to myself and treat myself like I would treat a friend who was struggling with a problem. No sarcasm about overeating, no snarky or tongue-in-cheek comments about my food choices. It is, what it is. If I’ve gone a little overboard one day, I’ll present it and move on. No need for big explanations. I want to focus on as many positive choices as possible instead of dwelling on the negatives. I’m always going to be honest about my struggles, but I’m just not going to DWELL, ya know?
Thanks for understanding and sticking with me through all this up and down. I really appreciate the support you all give me 
I hope my new attitude will make for a nicer experience here too, instead of it being a complain fest!
Have a great day, everyone!
Questions? Email me! aloserforlife@gmail.com
43 comments
Yay for YOU!
This sounds like a moment of epiphany for you. You have lost 60 pounds and maintained that. What an accomplishment.
Amen! We all make bad choices at times. We all go overboard at times. That is life. Just balance it out tomorrow. I truly believe the personal guilt trips make it so much work!
I’m very happy for you. I wish you lots of happiness and contentment!
Marisa-
yes yes quit! the pressure, the perfectionism, the cruelty to self, the judgment- release and toss!! compassion, perspective, gratitude all that good stuff will help you stay the course and avoid those ups and down- take it from one who knows all too well and also had to “quit”.
It’s perfectionism at it’s most cruel and unreasonable.
Stay in it for the long haul and fall in love with what it feels like to keep going, to make choices that support you in healthy ways, that let you live the life you crave and share your gifts.
xox
Lisa
Http://www.IntuitiveBody.com
Breaking The Spell of Overeating: Results You Crave
that is a great attitude! and you are a winner for sure. losing over 60 pounds is not easy!
You made me nervous this morning when I read title about quitting, Marisa, until I read your post… and when I did, it was kind of like looking in the mirror for me. Some of your struggles, I definitely say “been there”. I know I’m at goal now, but I constantly add to that phrase “but it took me six years to get there”. I had my share of ups and downs and still do. I have never conquered it and still deal with my issues on a daily basis.
Example, I have been fighting this terrible, terrible cold and for some reason, found myself going back to that old feeling that because I don’t feel good, I can nurture myself with food! The scale shows it this morning too. Am I going to beat myself up about? No, I won’t. Just decided that as I’m typing this post. I’m going to move on from it.
LOOK HOW FAR YOU’VE COME MARISA! Look how much better you feel now! Look at the activity you get now! You’ve done great and you should be so proud of yourself! I know I am!
Heck yeah, celebrate those 60lbs!
Not only have you made yourself healthier but you’ve inspired others along the way. Reflect upon that when you feel down.
I love the choices you are making in how you think about yourself & how far you’ve come.
Best wishes & positive vibes!
Lynn
You absolutely are your best friend and cheerleader, so why not treat yourself that way?! You’ve come SO far!!!
For me it doesn’t matter how long it takes to get to my goal, these are my new habits and I am sticking to them. I have changed my tastes and I no longer think of eating fruits and vegetables as an onerous task that must be done to lose weight. This is the way I eat from now on, regardless of what the scale says. Same thing for exercise. It’s now part of my daily routine not something special to lose weight. It’s great that you lost 60 lbs, keep up those healthy habits no matter what the scale says.
I can relate to this post 100%. You definitely need to celebrate & embrace the weight that you have lost – its a huge accomplishment! I have been trying to lose 3 lbs for weeeeeeeeeeeks to reach my WW goal. I was beating myself up over it for awhile – but I’m not going to do that anymore – thank you for opening my eyes.
Girl, CELEBRATE those 60 lbs gone !!! Not only is the number different, but you are working the controls to the whole machine that is you in a totally different way than what you did before. You ROCK !!!! As to those numbers on the scale- the only people who take a great stock in them are people like Doctors and insurance providers, and of late even THEY are questioning their worth. Measurement of waist has a lot more credit than numbers on a scale.
Honestly, I don’t think we have been put on this planet and given this “meat suit” to wear for the purpose of criticizing who and what we are not, worrying about what we “should” be or even aspiring to “be like—”. We are given talents, temperaments and insights for so many thing we encounter on the journey, all of which have a much greater importance than the number a simple machine spits out when we stand on it. I think we all forget that in the struggle.
First visit here. Good post. I have been in this same boat of frustration on my journey for several months. But I, too, am just continuing on AND am quitting the beating myself up!
((HUGS)) Marisa. You are such a beautiful woman inside and out.
I’m glad that you are not giving up. I’ve gone through my blog roll and two blogs had been deleted. Those people gave up. It makes me so sad. Really.
Some days we’re just hungrier than other days. When/if I overeat, I just work a little harder at burning it off…like it never happened. But that works for me. Every person is different.
Wish I were closer. I’d take you out to a healthy lunch and drag you to a Zumba class. That would make you smile.
You’ll reach your goals because you are not a quitter!!! You’ve come so far and inspired so many. Food is food. It’s not an enemy.
Keep at it, sweety. You’ll always have my support.
Great post – I think you’ll rock your goals with your new attitude
I also was nervous when I saw your title. I’m glad you’re quitting and not giving up. I too have struggled with overeating and weight problems my whole life. I have seen success with weight loss and I have been seemingly powerless to prevent the gain after but I tell myself the same thing you tell yourself – I’m still down, a lot, from my all-time high. Celebrate your achievements! Keep up the good work and know that some of us derive a lot of motivation and pleasure from your blogging. Keep up the good work!
that’s right! keep it real. you have to be honest with yourself.
Feeling bad about overeating/bingeing just made everything worse. When I took the emotions out of it, it eased up a lot. A lot of my problem is that I was trying to semi-starve myself, which I don’t do anymore. Attempts at low-fat were disasterous, always causing bingeing, so now I don’t try to eat low-fat, and I don’t binge. I am down 50 (this time around), and would like to lose 15-20 more. It happens in fits and starts, very unlinear, though it’s dropping right now. I may not get my last 20, and I’m not going to torture myself trying, so no starving and no bingeing.
I wish you well. After all, sixty pounds is a LOT, and if it’s a question of not losing anymore and staying where you are, or getting frustrated and gaining it all back, the better choice seems obvious.
Thank you so much for this post! I am right there with you. This post gave me the kick in the butt I needed. Thank you!!
60lbs is awesome! Congratulations!
I was so happy for you reading this post. You must feel like a weight is off your shoulders.
Here for you! the one thing I can tell you is I have been there. I feel for what you are feeling. This is why I started my blog, to take the journey and be a participant in my health. You are doing that! My scale hardly changes in the right direction but I know I don’t want to go back, so I keep going. I have lost 15 pounds in 6 months. Not breaking any records but I am still going and so are you!
[...] Yes, I gained again this week. Grrrr . . . The same just over 1/2 pound I gained last week. I can’t seem to get down past 208. It is time to get serious about this. I was going to write yet another post bemoaning my weight gain. Which I’m still doing . . . but I pulled up my google reader and came across Loser for Life’s post on quitting. [...]
Marisa, you had me worried for second! I’m so glad to hear that you aren’t quitting the blog, goal reaching, etc. I learned a lot about myself reading your post today. Thanks for being so honest…as always. I started another blog to track my weight-loss before my wedding, feel free to read! I JUST started yesterday, so there’s not much there yet. I always think about your persistence and long journey. I’m proud of you and hope you are too.
Kaneil
You go girl! This is YOUR blog and you don’t ‘owe it to us’ to explain when you are not as perfect on your plan as you should be. It is life we are talking about and it’s never perfect. I chose not to weigh in last friday and felt quilty on my blog for not doing so. Then I thought..no one knows me like I do, and I knew if I weighed myself that I would be beating myself up for when I knew I already did wrong in the week. I was already over it and back on track, but those numbers would have stuck in my head like a nail.
I’m so glad you didn’t throw in the towel. I love your blog! I love seeing pics of your meals, it inspires me to get creative with mine too! You are doing great so far! Keep moving forward
I LOVE THIS POST! You know you are NOT alone in your struggles! I think it is SO important that you (and I) know that fact right there! The feeling like I am alone makes it worse for me. My BF never has that STARVE mode feeling- he just doesnt understand where I am coming from. I can explain my feelings to him in great detail but we just dont relate.
I agree, Sheryl is a great blogger to follow to get motivation from-she keeps on going!
We need to both celebrate our losses- you and I will never be those 234 or 232 pound woman again!
Oh and ever feel like ya need an ear, you know where to find me! Tweet me or email me!
We can do it Marisa!
dont scare me with a title like that!!!!!! you are so encouraging and motivating to everyone — you should do the same for yourself! first, the scale stinks. it’s nice when you see it going down but try to remember that unless you see a 10lb gain, 1 or 2 pounds can be attributed to a million little things, like water or even inaccuracy. maybe you have a great scale but mine will say different things sometimes when i step off and then step on again!
but seriously, dont feel like you have to beat yourself up for “mistakes.” im sure that makes you feel like you are messing up, which just adds pressure. who wants to be perfect at eating healthy anyway??
PLEASE DONT GO ANYWHERE! WE LOVE YOU!!!!!
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I LOVED reading this post because I’m in the exact same boat. I’ve lost 40 pounds and I’m at a healthy weight now but vanity is still there and I’m hoping to lose another 15. I’ve realized now though that though it’s not what we normally think of when we think of an eating disorder, an obsession with food/calories/points/weight loss IS an eating disorder and I can’t just keep shoving it away, pretending it’s not there. I’m going to try to focus on exercise (because I actually like exercise!) and just let my food intake go where it’s gonna go for awhile. My control freak nature is not helping me have a healthy body image!
You are right on! We all need to love ourselves more. No one is perfect and we can’t expect to be. You have done amazing things! And you will continue to do amazing things, whether you reach your goal weight or not.
I too have “issues” with the scale. I recently found this application called The Google 15. You use it to track your daily weigh-ins and it computes your “moving average” to tell you if you are moving in the right direction, despite fluctuations. I have started using it. It seems to be helping me not get so upset when the scale doesn’t say what I want it to.
emily;)
I think you hit on a common thought pattern for so many of us. I was just posting about motivation and goals today myself. Must be something floating around in the universe! I too get tired of the struggle and having to think about what I am eating and why I am eating. But this is my reality, it is who I am and so I press on and continue to learn more and work on me.
Bravo to you for deciding to make a change in your attitude. Yes indeed you have had great success, 60 pounds down!
It isn’t about perfection it is about making progress and you have made great progress!
I knew there was more to that title than it led on to!!
Kudos to you for the attitude change…it is definately a journey! Stick with and yes it will be hard sometimes and there will be bumps in the road, but once you do reach your goal you can look back and proud of what you have accomplished and learned from your journey!!
Marisa – It’s so sad to see when you get so down!! But good recovery! Yes, you need to stop beating yourself up. Also, I understand what you mean when you say that you want to get to goal but are ok where your at.
I’m the same way, I always say the same thing. I will NEVER get back to 251 lbs. If I stay where I’m at now, around 165-170 for the rest of my life, I would be ok with that. I want to get to goal (160 for the high) but if I don’t, I’m way better off than where I was.
Give yourself so much credit for losing those 60+ lbs! And I know it’s hard but if you quit, you will go back to the way you were and I know you don’t want that!
I loved this post!
I have been thinking the same thing over the last few weeks. But I keep thinking, if I don’t keep at it I’ll end up where I used to be plus worse!!
We just have to keep at it and realize we have our good days and bad days. However, it doesn’t mean that we should allow ourselves to have bad days and keep striving with what is right!
Yes, being kind to ourselves is soooo important. And yes, losing 60 pounds is something to be VERY proud of! I always love reading your blog, but there is nothing wrong with being nice to yourself…
All any of us can do is keep going! We make great efforts to be kind to others but sometimes forget to cut ourselves some of that slack (-:
Good for you!
Gosh, I never really felt you were whining or making excuses! You’re one of the most positive bloggers I read every day.
But, I think this is terrific – because you shouldn’t beat yourself up. It doesn’t fix anything – if anything, it makes things worse.
Focusing on the positive is exactly what you (and we all) need!
BTW – I just bought my ticket to Fitbloggin! See you there!!!
Marisa I knew you wouldn’t quit! Phewf!
I know exactly how you feel. I’m sick of the flip flopping and wishy washy BS I’ve been putting out into the world via my blog for the past few months. So here’s a thought, just something for you to ponder:
Maybe WW isn’t the best plan for those last 15 lbs. We have the same amount of weight to lose and we’ve been frustrated trying to lose them with WW. Maybe WW is only really great if a person has a lot to lose?
I’m pitching Weight Watchers for a new approach. I’m going to lay it out on my blog tomorrow. Pop on by and see what you think.
In the meantime, I’m with ya sister! No more making excuses and wondering about the whys and what nows. It is what it is.
Love this! I would say that i’m gonna throw in the towel too and stop beating myself up, but then i wouldn’t be cranky and, well, my blog is called FeedMeImCranky!
Marisa, you are awesome — remember that!
Marisa,
I want you to know how inspirational your blog is to me.
You give me great ideas, show us all that you are a real person and make yummy lunches. I know it’s been a tough few months for you (and me) but I’m hopeful for the next little while. We just need to get out of this winter funk and be able to get outside again.
Good for you Marissa!! I love this idea and can’t wait to keep reading and see you succeed!
Thank you for sharing your journey. Although we’ve never met, I feel so connected to you because of our shared struggles. Although I wouldn’t wish these struggles on my worst enemies, I’m comforted in knowing I’m not facing them alone.
[...] Marisa Thank you all so very much for the outpouring of support on my last post. I have no words…really…just thank you for all your [...]
Marisa – I am so proud of you for getting to this place mentally! I’m so glad that something I wrote triggered such an important mental shift for you. That’s fantastic
Congrats to you!
YAY for you! I have such a terrible time whining about things and not doing anything about it. This last year has proven that! You are also an inspiration to other and don’t forget it!
YES! I love this post. Like you said, treat yourself like you would a friend who is going through this problem.
BODA lose weight
Great post! I feel like I could have written the part about being in a endless cycle. This past year I was doing well for a while, then falling back into bad habits, analyzing the situation, then starting up again. And I ended the 2009 weighing the same as I started it. Good points about overcoming the cycle.