Posts from — September 2010

During my walk yesterday, I spent a lot of time thinking about what changes I need to make to continue on the intuitive eating journey.  First, I had to define what that process meant for me.  When we hear of intuitive eating, we think it is something that is supposed to come naturally, something that is hidden deep within us that we can eventually uncover.  While I believe that is true, there are many factors involved that obviously can skew that innate part of us.

I spent so many years dieting.  So many years.  Seriously, like 30.  At 42 years old, finding this innate part of me is going to be no easy task.  And if I thought about it too long, I would want to ditch the process altogether.  It is hard, hard work.  Honestly, being on a diet is so much easier.  There are rules of a diet and you follow them or you don’t.  With intuitive eating, it’s about much more than the food and the rules. 

For me, the food has been the problem and the answer.  It has helped me feel better and worse, often times all in the same day.  And the days it makes me feel worse, I want to go back to dieting.  But, I know that won’t solve anything.  It won’t change the relationship I have with food or the reason I use it for comfort, happiness, sadness, anxiety or every other reason.  So, I persevere on this journey to change. 

I realized that there is one very vital process I have been avoiding and that is acknowledging hunger.  It dawned on me that I am afraid of hunger.  When I experience true hunger, I panic.  I feel like I have to eat right away, either out of a survival mechanism or out of fear that if I don’t eat right away, I will completely pig out later from feeling unsatisfied.  I know it sounds strange, but for me this is true.  I have no idea where it stems from.  I was never starved as a child! HA!  I’m figuring my many years of serious deprivation diets may have brought about this reaction that stays with me to this day.

So, as part of my new focus, I am trying to not fear hunger and instead embrace it as a sign that my body is working the way it should!  In addition, I am focusing on my satiety level.  I have always been a volume eater.  Large quantities of food fill my eyes and make me believe that I am well- fed.  I already chose healthy foods on a daily basis and that will never change because I truly enjoy what I eat.  However, it is possible to still eat too much of a good thing. 

My focus for the coming months will be to tune into my satiety level more and realize when I’ve eaten enough.  I have the benefit of being home and eating most of my meals at home.  I have access to food at any time.  I know that in most situations, I can eat at any time.  If I take less food and find that I am hungry an hour later, then I can eat again.  I can take less and get more if needed.  But when you take (and eat more), you can’t take it back! 

My first day (in pictures) went like this…

Breakfast…

Lunch –grilled cornbread sandwich with ham, laughing cow cheese and wasabi mustard, baked hickory bbq chips, carrots…

The sandwich was my favorite!  Cornbread (made in a loaf pan) makes a great sandwich bread!

What I left…

A miracle!

Snacks…

Honeydew

an hour later… 4 Triscuits…because I can always have more…

But, find I don’t need it.

Dinner… I really wanted something warm and nourishing.  I heated a can of Trader Joe’s Organic Lentil and Vegetable soup…

It really hit the spot…

But, I didn’t need the whole can…

Later, I had another small slice of cornbread with a smear of light whipped butter and fruit-only raspberry jelly.  Divine. 

And that was all I needed today.  I know some days I’ll need more and some days I’ll need less.  I just have to listen.

This exercise was just the beginning in showing me that I can be satisfied with less.  I don’t have to eat everything on my plate.  When I’m satisfied, I should be done and not feel the need to shovel the rest of it.  I hope that doing this will help me come to the understanding that I don’t need a pile of food in front of me to make me satisfied and that I can eat again if I’m hungry.  There are no rules that I should eat at certain times or I’ll starve.  Eat when hungry (or when appropriate because in the real world sometimes you have to eat when you’re not hungry i.e. party, dinner out, etc.) and eat only as much as you need to feel good.  Not stuffed, just good.

I know this will take much mindfulness on my part, but I’m excited for the challenge.  I really want to stick with it and I’ll update you as to how I’m doing along the way!

Just a side note:  In an effort to not be wasteful, I am saving what I  can of what I don’t eat.  I’m hoping that it will get less and less over time

Have a great day, everyone!

Are you able to judge your hunger and satiety levels?  Do you tend to leave food on your plate if you’re no longer hungry?

Hey, everyone!  I’m feeling a lot better today.  Thanks so much for your helpful comments.  I love the supportiveness of the blogging community and readers.  It always lifts me up!

I went for a long walk this morning to look for my “new frame of mind”.  I found a different trail through a wooded area.  I loved the small bridges, the quietness and the sun shining through the trees…

While taking in the beautiful day,  it struck me how I’ve been stuck for the past few days in analysis paralysis.  When my eating was getting out of control, so did my brain.  I got nervous and immediately started plotting, analyzing, rethinking, delving and refiguring.  UGH.  All that brought back too many memories of how I used to punish myself and beat myself up.

This morning, I decided to let most of it go.  But, some of my thoughts that led to that do deserve a place.  One thing that I’ve recognized,  the transition to being more intuitive or mindful with my eating is just as much a roller coaster ride as the dieting cycle.  There are ups, downs, disordered thinking, slip-ups, backslides and moments of sheer clarity.  However, in all those areas, there can be found glimpses of progress to a healthier state of being and awareness.  Although it seems that the backslides and slip-ups are similar to the dieting cycle, there are distinct differences.  They are an opportunity for learning and growth instead of the self-loathing and desperation that comes about with the dieting cycle.

I can say that the past few days, I didn’t take that opportunity.  I fell into the self-loathing and desperation.  I began plotting how to undo the damage.  I began thinking of dieting.  I was scared and losing trust in myself.  This was a bad place.  I didn’t like it.

So, this morning was a chance for a fresh way of thinking.  A new day and opportunity to review, learn and become aware.  I have a new focus and something to work on in the coming months.  I’ll talk about that more tomorrow and even show you what I mean.

I may have seen signs of fall during my walk today;  signs that nature is changing and preparing to take a rest, but for me, it’s the growing season

(source)

Have a great day, everyone!

Hi!!  Thanks so much for the nice comments on my guest post.  I love blog hopping!  If any of you are ever interested in guest posting here, send me an email and let me know!

I was such a moody old crankpot this morning.  My back gave me trouble during the night, so I didn’t sleep very well.  I sure wasn’t motivated to run, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl signs up to do.

Pre-run fuel…

I met up with my running partner at the hilly trail again.  It’s not so intimidating anymore and it’s probably better to help us build more stamina.  I set the GYMBOSS back to  3:1 intervals instead of 2:1 and it worked out fine.  We finished up 3.56 miles in 44 minutes of happiness

After-run fuel – Thomas’ light english muffin, egg whites and 2% cheese…

I ran errands the remainder of the morning, then got into lunch – Applegate Farms Uncured Organic Beef Hot Dog on an Ezekiel hot dog bun  with a gala and some fun new chips…

They are a nice mix of crunch with a slight bit of spice from red pepper and cumin.  Big daughter LOVED them and ate a bunch as her afterschool snack! 

Glad I got to try a serving for lunch!

So, speaking of afternoon snack.  Here was mine…

Times eight million.  I’ve really been struggling these past few days.  I overate a lot this weekend and I can’t seem to get my head back in the right frame of mind.  I’m frustrated and feeling a bit out of control.  I think I want to be in control, but I know that it takes work to do that and I’m being lazy about it.  Not because I don’t care, but because I’m caring too much.  It’s starting to make me crazy and nervous and feeling dieting feelings again.  So frustrating because last week, after all the veggie buying and making, I was ON IT.  I felt strong and healthy.  I was eating well and not obsessing.  After these past few days, last week seems like eons ago in a foreign land.  Big huffy sigh.

On to veggies… With the last eggplant from the veggie buying extravaganza, I made Skillet Eggplant and Tomatoes…

Place diced eggplant in hot nonstick skillet with 1 garlic clove and 1 tsp. olive oil…

Cook until slightly softened, then add a can of drained diced tomatoes…

Add salt, pepper and any seasoning of choice – I used dried thyme – and allow to cook for another 5-10 minutes.

I used it as a topping for sauteed polenta cubes and called it dinner…

With a sprinkle of cheese… of course!

Okay, I’m off to get a new frame of mind

Have a great day, everyone!

How do you get your head back in the game when you’re struggling????