The Story Of Goal Weight
This week, one of the action items from Ellen Shuman, my emotional eating recovery coach was to write my “story” with respect to how I feel about goal weight and why I give so much meaning to it. I thought I’d share it here…
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I have never been at a weight I was happy with. Looking back at those high school pictures at 130 pounds, I realize how thin I was. Yet, I never felt that way. From as far back as I remember, I have always felt like the bigger girl.
Because of that, I was always dieting. They were extreme diets and not usually nutritionally sound. I was excited to start each one; thinking it was going to be “the one”. Inevitably, a few days in, the diets would end in binges of epic proportions. Diet over.
I was a great STARTER, but never a FINISHER.
When I began this last journey of weight loss, I was determined to be a FINISHER. I stayed focused, changed my lifestyle and lost over 65 pounds. I started to feel good in my skin. Overall, I like the way I looked in clothes (except for the lack thereof in summertime!) and I was changing my body through exercise.
However, I remained around 10 pounds from my Weight Watchers goal weight. I just didn’t have the motivation to drive it all the way home. Something was holding me back. The bulk of my weight was gone, so I didn’t work quite as hard anymore. I pretty much maintained for a year, give or take a few pounds. But, I started to feel that I wasn’t a complete “success story” because I hadn’t gotten to goal weight. I needed that validation of being declared a “Lifetime Member”. I had coveted it for so long. In all the years of dieting, I never got to claim goal. I wanted that FINISH; that symbol of success.
Recently, I decided to focus on losing again, although ended up going the opposite way. Every day, I would start strong but, often end in overeating or bingeing.
Now, goal weight is 30 pounds away. I’m not back at the start, but the FINISH line seems miles away.
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When I was given the task to write this story about myself, I wasn’t exactly sure of the purpose for the exercise. But, like a good student, I followed through with my homework. A while after writing the story, I had an “aha moment”. Did goal weight really matter? At the time that I was only a few pounds away, what difference would it have made? Would I have looked different? Would everyone I met instantly know that I had hit goal weight? Did I wear that number on the scale so that I could tell the world that I’m a LIFETIME MEMBER?
Of course, the answers were “no”. I wish I could have seen that then. I wish I could have been happy and proud with the huge accomplishment of losing 65 pounds and feeling good in my body. I wish I didn’t place so much weight (no pun intended!) on the FINISH.
I wish I could have realized… I was already there.
Have a great day, everyone!
What are your thoughts on goal weight? What role does/did it play in your weight loss?
Questions? Email me! aloserforlife@gmail.com
31 comments
Hi Marisa, what a great post and thanks for opening up enough to share it with us. Your decision to spend time with the coach sounds like a good one and what you are willing to share may help many of us along the way. For me, that goal weight number was much as you talk about UNTIL I got there. But I did get there and actually lived there for almost a year. And it was GREAT! I felt good, I looked good and even after the accolades died down, I still knew I was there and wanted to stay there. What happened?? Bad habits and peer pressure crept back in and before I knew it, I was up 30 pounds. Still fighting to get that back off because the memory of being at goal weight hasn’t diminished. You’ll understand once you get there and I am quite certain that you will!
Wow, sometimes reading your posts is so much like looking in the mirror for me.
So I struggled and struggled with that last ten pounds to “get to goal”. Ultimately, yes, I did get to my Weigth Watchers goal, Marisa, but guess what. For over the next year, I was not happy. That’s still not “where I wanted to be”. I wanted to lose “10 more pounds”. That was my goal. I wanted to have that 10-pound cushion under their goal weight. I struggled and struggled, losing, gaining, losing, gaining, before I decided hey, you know what, I’m happy where I am. I’m comfortable.
And you’re so right. Is anybody really gonig to notice it? No. It’s us. We are the ones that beat ourselves up, not our family, not our friends, no one else.
I learned that the number on the goal is not as important to me. What is so much more important is being happy with myself, being comfortable where I am, and FEELING GOOD. If I truly, honestly feel good, I’m good.
Great post Marisa! I know exactly what you mean – even when I lost 70 pounds and maintained that weight within 5 pounds for years, I still never felt thin enough and as the pounds crept back on after I was put on insulin, I wish I would have just been happy where I was.
I too am 30 pounds from my goal weight – but we know how to do it, so let’s get our game faces on and finish! Hugs!
I’m still in the process of getting to my “goal weight,” which is about 30ish more lbs. It’s also a weight I’ve never ever been before, which is a bit strange for me. The 1st of August I joined a gym, and through them, hired a trainer to work on my strength training. I have more of a goal of losing body fat, and strengthening and toning. But there is weight loss in there as well.
Marisa, reading your posts always reminds me of myself! I always felt bigger when I was young because I was taller, not heavier, but that’s the way I took it. And I always tell people its just a number too. Last week I read a blog post where she was desperate to lose 5 more lbs before vacation. I told her what difference does that 5 lbs really make?
I struggle with taking my own advice. Like Reen, I hit goal but wanted to lose 10 more lbs. Instead, I gained 15. When you put so much stress on the numbers, it can have an opposite effect! Um slooooowly trying to take back off the weight I gained but in the end, it is just a number. I’m happy with my successes and you should be too!
Felt like i was reading a story about me. Funny how so many of us can put ourselves into that story. Where have things gone wrong in today’s world that we are programed not to love ourselves where we are. Wish we could change that.
This is sooooo good, Marissa. I also struggle with having a specific number as my goal. Part of me feels exactly the same as you – I want to have that very tangent finish line – that number that says I DID IT. But there’s also a little voice in my head that is telling me it’s just a freakin’ number! And I’m never going to be EXACTLY 147 (or whatever number you want to use) – my weight is ALWAYS going to bounce around a bit, and that’s ok. It’s hard to change your mindset when it’s been thinking the same way for so long, but it sounds like you’re beginning to do just that!
I can relate so much to your story. I’ve always been tall and big boned and I have always felt like a failure because the closest I’ve ever gotten is 30lbs away and right now i’m 50lbs away. When I was at my lowest weight I felt great but was still striving for that number. Now, I’m back to starting over again and really need to find a balance between everything in my life. Love seeing your posts again. Just never stop trying, that’s my motto.
Aah, goal weight… Such a tough thing. I think it’s good for me to have something to shoot for, but calculating that I have 20, 30, 50, 80 pounds to lose can be so overwhelming. This time around I’m trying really hard not to focus on a weight goal, though I have set one, and instead to just work on getting back to making the right choices.
And just so you know, when we met last year I would NEVER have guessed you had anything left to lose. You looked great and happy and healthy. You still look great to me, but I know how important it is to feel good in your own body. We’ll both get there!
great post. I got within THREE FREAKING POUNDS and never made it. I’m up 12…. grrrrr…. but your post is making me think hard about that number. One of my WW thread friends kept nudging me- “why do you have to lose anything else? You are healthy, you are active…” and I just couldn’t hear it. And the biggest negative is that I was so focused on the number when I should be focused on changing my beliefs and behaviors. I think seeing this coach is a genius idea –and not just because we’re all benefiting right along with you
Great job!
I believe the reason so many of us struggle to get and stay at “goal” is that once there – or close – it isn’t what we thought it would be. The plain and simple fact is that the number on the scale will never, ever reflect back truly what we feel about our own body. At 125 lbs. I was not satisfied. Age, maturing and experience have made me realize that once I do get to “goal” my body will truly never look like I want it to. So because of that, my goal has changed. I want to be healthy and (mostly) medication free. Yes, healthy means I need to lose some weight, but I no longer see “that number” as the holy grail.
Hi Marisa. What a wonderful post. Can so relate to the part about NEVER feeling good about my weight, even though looking back, it was exactly where it should be!! Sounds like you are so on track to feel better!!! Hang in there and take care! hugs
What a great assignment! A goal weight is so tricky. I think on the one hand it’s important to have a goal when you lose weight and to keep yourself accountable (and I know there is special significance for Weight Watchers), but on the other hand I think too much focus on weight can be detrimental.
When I lost a large amount of weight years ago, I didn’t really have a goal weight in mind. I knew I was about 40 pounds heavier than what I used to be, but I didn’t really set that as my goal weight. Rather, I focused on making good decision and tackled emotional eating. I actually lost more than 40 pounds and was at a “if everything is absolutely prefect” weight for a little while until I realized that was just not realistic. Now I’m up again a bit, but I’m fine with it. It’s my “new happy weight!”
Things usually go wrong for me when I get too focused on the weight. Then I start not eating enough and overeating later, which is dangerous territory for a (formerly) emotional eater…
Glad you had your aha moment! Hugs!
I know exactly how you feel – I am 4.8 pounds away from my Weight Watchers goal weight. This is the lightest I’ve been in almost 15 years. The other day my mom told me I looked like I did in high school (even though I weighed 25 pounds less then). I’ve lost 74.6 pounds and I am determined to lose that last 4.8 – why?? I already feel awesome and people tell me I look awesome and my husband can’t keep his hands off me. I just need that validation, I guess.
Hi Marisa: Fifty years ago I was 13 and told I was chubby….when I reached 16 I was 5 ft 7 inches and 168 lbs and big boned…..but my doctor, my parents, my grandma etc..etc..etc…all thought I needed to lose another 30 lbs. At that time, I did not know enough to think any different. It has been a struggle since and the most I have lost is 109 lbs through Diet Center on 900 calories a day with no guidance as to how to change my eating habits…so of course it all came back on and more. I haven’t stepped on a scale in quite a while and am trying to love me, my body and I and pay attention to how I feel about food. I don’t know if I will be successful, but my goal has changed….more one of acceptance and loving of me for who I am (even at 63 years) and less about trying to fit what I think people want me to be. Sorry this is so long, but you have struck a chord with me and I wish you everything good in your journey.
I swear I could have written that story myself. It’s such a vicious cycle. I have tried to let go of the magic number that has been fixed in my head, but it’s difficult. I think goals are great, but it’s also important to re-evaluate along the way and adjust them as needed. Your words really hit home with me. This is more than a means to an end. This is a process and a lifestyle. Part of achieving a healthy weight is learning to love ourselves along the way (right? I’m still working on it too).
I struggle so hard with the goal weight because of the pressure put on with charts and labels saying at this height you should way X and if you don’t your are fat. Well, I have to remember what I can do and not worry so much about 10 or 15 pounds defining me.
LOVE this post Marisa! I too am a great starter…not so much finisher…don’t know why…but you are 100% correct in regards to the “goal weight”. If your goal is to feel better, look better, and have better health, then you were already there…the number…NOT so important. I often felt a range would be a better goal…NOT one single magical number. 65 pounds is NOTHING to shrug at…it’s a huge accomplishment. 6…yes, 6 10# bags of potatoes and one 5# bag! Wow….65 pounds….a small child! HUGE! I can totally relate to weighing 130, yet still feeling FAT…it wasn’t that I was fat, it was just those ppl I had around me, my peers were really underweight! Plus, always being “gifted” ( I call it cursed..but whatever…) in the chest area, made me always feel like a big girl…eventually, I became a big girl…but it wasn’t always who I was…just always who I felt like. HUGS…hope this new way of dealing with things is working out for you!!!
I used to have a one track mind regarding goal weight. Not anymore. The scale can’t tell the whole story of what’s going on with weight loss. I use it only as a loose guide now. The mirror, pictures, my clothes…they tell a better story of weight loss. My goal weight used to be 140, but now I realize that is waaay to low. I’d be too skinny. Waaay to skinny. xo
for me it wasnt a number but the fact id out grown every single item in my closet.
every single…
Like you, I wish I could have known I was fine the way I was before I started that first diet. I try not to obsess about the numbers but seeing that goal weight (for a second) was exciting. Try to love where you are right now cause that’s all that really matters.
I didn’t set a goal with WW until I was near where I wanted to be. It was never about a number, but more about a comfort level. I set mine like 5 lbs from where I felt like I was almost there.
I like having that Lifetime number attached to a goal though, keeps me under and focused for maintenance. I’ve maintained under goal for over 4 years
You are so right about high school pics. I just cannot believe how thin I was then. Twenty years later, just to get close to that weight would be awesome for me-but I’m trying hard!!!
this was a great share and really similar to what I realized the other day… I have been maintaining a 35lb weight loss for like 5 years and while I am happy with that… I’m not happy with the 5lbs I have wanted to lose since then it is about this idea of making it to some goal line, so I need to figure out what has held me back from making those final changes
[...] can’t thank you all enough for your support and insightful comments on my last post. This work that I’m doing with my emotional eating coach is highly personal. It’s [...]
Even at goal weight I deep down inside wish I was 5 pounds thinner. In the back of my mind I always think I could do better.
What a break through moment you had! I am learning so much from your experience Marisa. Thank you for sharing it.
I’m late to the party on this one, but I could write volumes about the goal weight…oh wait, I did. LOL
Seriously though, our stories are so very similar. I had a goal of losing 76 pounds and I “only” lost 55. eDiets made me a “success story” and I was also featured in a women’s magazine. But inside, I didn’t feel like a success…and that’s when I regained.
And I finally stopped tying my success to the number on the scale (in fact, I stopped weighing altogether!) and some pretty cool things happened. Life has its ups and downs for sure…both physically and metaphorically…and I’m still a work in progress. I like being “weightless” now.
Oh Marisa, I feel like you and I have led parallel lives…and you know, I think the one phrase I hate worse than “I’m on a diet” is “goal weight” – it just messes with you.
Thanks for opening up and sharing this new part of your journey.
[...] The Story of Goal Weight – from Marisa at Loser for Life [...]
Thank you for sharing such a personal assignment.
I’m not sure what I think of goal weight. I keep changing mine not really sure of what it really should be – even with the goal weight provided by my nutritionist. Sometimes I feel like it’s so far away I give up.
[...] I wrote my thoughts about goal weight a few weeks ago, another issue came up that often plagues me. It has to do with my thoughts [...]