Setbacks
I am amazed at how quickly this holiday went by! Both kids and the husband were home from Christmas until New Years, so we had lots of togetherness! We all seem to still like each other after that, thankfully. 
The holidays were pretty much a total fail in the eating department. I had every good intention of enjoying myself, but with mindfulness and staying aware of my body cues to keep me from going hog wild. Yeah, well….snort, snort.
Instead, I lost ALL focus. I’m not sure if it was the busyness of the season, the anxiety of getting it all in or just the party feeling. Whatever it was, it really threw me for a loop. I pretty much went numb, had no awareness of what I was eating and stuffed myself silly. I can’t tell you how many freakin’ cookies I ate, but it had to be a record number. And with the family home and in vacation mode, we ate out quite a bit where my choices were less than stellar.
I’ve thought about it a lot these past few days; trying to figure out why I lost focus. I realize the reason why is diligence. It takes focus and diligence. Just as with a diet plan, recovering from emotional eating, becoming a mindful eater and forming new habits all require diligence.
The definition of diligence (according to dictionary.com) is a constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or mind. Constant…earnest…persistent…effort. These are all actions that were not a part of my days during the past couple of weeks.
I felt a little disheartened that I let myself backslide. Why is it so easy to do this???!!! I know in my heart it will take a while for the old habits to be replaced by the new ones I am working on. It made me think about how, many years ago in my 20’s, I used to be a smoker. Shocking, but true! I didn’t think of myself as a heavy smoker, rather more of a “social” smoker. However, I did smoke close to a half pack of cigarettes a day for probably about ten years!
Before I got pregnant with big daughter, I quit cold turkey. It was hard at first, but then I became pregnant and knew that smoking and drinking were out of the question. It wasn’t good for my health or my growing baby. I haven’t had a cigarette since that time (it’s been 16 years!), but I can remember for the LONGEST TIME, I yearned for a cigarette. Like years!! I used to like the tempting smell of cigarette smoke. Then, all of a sudden one day, I thought it was the grossest thing ever. I had no desire to smoke, hated everything about it and couldn’t imagine even trying it again.
I understand now that my new behavior of not smoking finally replaced the old behavior of smoking. I made a constant, earnest effort to not smoke. Although quitting cold turkey made this effort seem like it happened overnight, the desire to smoke was still underlying for a good five years until the day came I thought it was gross.
What my long, drawn-out story here reminded me is that reframing my brain and body the way I am working to do is going to take a while. Diligence has to become part of my core being. Every day, I need to be persistent and the change will come. These setbacks are where a deeper learning happens and willingness to persevere become stronger …
(source)
It’s worth the effort. 
Have a great day, everyone!
Questions? Email me! aloserforlife@gmail.com
16 comments
I know exactly how you feel. I’m just trying to move on and be diligent!
It’s so important to remember this, that we aren’t failures just because we have struggles. We’ve all struggled some through the holiday season, and as long as we’re back to talk about it I think we’re still in good shape.
It’s funny I was also a smoker. I smoked a pack a day for about 10 years. I quit cold turkey when I was 25 years old. It was really tough and I craved a cigarette for a long time after. Now I hate the smell of smoke and could never imagine going back to it.
I experienced a major setback over the holidays as well. It was as if I had never eaten sweets before and was trying them for the first time. I definitely did not exhibit much self control especially around all the goodies at work. My body felt terrible because of it. I hated how I felt both physically and mentally. Finally I just stopped all together because I knew I had to take control. However, for a few days before and after Christmas it was as though I was powerless against all the treats and sweets. I really would love to find a way to stop sabotaging myself like this.
Sorry Marisa, I know how you feel! Hang in there. You are doing great and I speak for myself when I say we can’t be hard on ourselves for where we went wrong.
I started out well, but I guess I spoke too soon myself. I have been asking myself the same question, why did I let myself take 10 steps back? I’m still trying to recover.. I haven’t been eating well this week either : (
My only excuse is that food shopping day is Friday so until then choices are very limited here. I will be back to square one then.
Great post. I think you put the struggle all of us who used food at one point in of our lives deal with so well. I think the holidays are particularly hard because we are constantly surrounded by food and there are so many holiday food memories. I visited my parents before Christmas and baked some cookies for my mom (who had knee replacement surgery and subsequent nerve damage), and I certainly ate many more than I needed…
I think learning to be diligent around anything that’s not good for us takes practice, and there will be setbacks. But with practice we also get better. I bet now that live is “back to normal” it will be much easier for you to be diligent!
Have a great week, and happy 2012!
YOU are worth the effort.
It’s funny…listening to how you described finally thinking of cigarettes as “disgusting” reminds me that there are now several foods that I used to supposedly “love” that I now find disgusting…for example, pizza from places like Pizza Hut or Dominos. And then there are other foods that I still like, but which are too rich to eat too much of…my body can’t handle it. And getting to this point has taken years. So be patient (and diligent) and most of all celebrate just how fast you caught yourself because THAT is the real victory here. I love that you recognize that there is deeper learning in the setback
The holidays are always a “setback” for me…I always thought it was “failure”. Love the post today – something I think everyone can relate to in one way or another!
Great post Marisa – sorry you kinda slept walked through the holidays – I did alright with meals but the damn Chex Mix is like crack to me!
My mantra for 2012 is Hard Work + Dedication – I may add Diligence to it!
(p.s. I smoked too – for 10 years as well, but I haven’t smoked in 12 years – and Hannah never remembered me smoking ever, and she never remembered me being fat when she was little – so weird!)
You are so worth it. And this is just a little hiccup in the new journey you are on! Only look forward with not regrets!!! Hugs.
You certainly are worth the effort Marisa! Again, if you ever need an email buddy, feel free.
I ate a platoon of cookies on Christmas as well. They were good, but no one needs to eat a dozen cookies in 1 day…
I love the analogy and it’s so true! We have to tottally transform our thinking about food and yes, it’s only a setback…we are not failures!!!!
I’ve had setbacks lately, too. On board we go!!
Love this post and that quote – thanks for sharing it! We are worth the effort of picking ourselves, dusting off, and starting fresh. As many times as it takes.
What a great pep talk for all of us! In times of stress we revert back to those old habits. I know you will be right back on track and moving forward
[...] guys!! Thanks for your supportive comments on my last post. I know many of you could relate to the holiday food struggle. I was a little harder on [...]