Since I’ve begun working on my emotional eating issues, things are really changing for me.  Honestly, at the start, I wasn’t sure it could happen.  I felt so lost, frustrated and tired of it all.  I thought this would just have to be my path.  A lifetime of up and downs.  A lifetime of battling, trying to lose weight, starting and restarting. 

But, something in me kept searching for an answer.  I tried many things – food experiments ( no sugar, gluten-free), Weight Watchers’ new program and even a stint in intuitive eating.  Everything worked …for a while.  Each of those experiments helped me learn more about my body.  I guess it was a necessary process to go through to get closer and closer to understanding the  real answer.

The real answer for me is that no attempts to stop the overeating will work without understanding WHY I’m doing it.

Through my work with Ellen Shuman, an emotional eating recovery coach, I am starting to understand the “why” and learn the skills to deal with those feelings.  Much of what I’m learning is cognitive behavioral therapy or just another way to rewire my thinking to respond to situations in an effective way.  I’ve said before, it’s like learning a new language.  It’s difficult at first, but slowly and with practice, can become second nature.

As I head into my last two coaching sessions, a big shift has occurred.  I’ve decided to stop dieting.  I know…. those are some strong words there, huh? 

Well, I tried to write that a couple of weeks ago, but I just wasn’t ready.  It didn’t feel quite right, yet.  I went back and forth with thoughts about it.  See, the tools that I’m learning make a strong case for trusting yourself with food.  Trusting that you know how much to eat and when to eat.  Trusting that you can eat what your body craves.  And trusting that in eating this way, you will reach your natural weight.

I really wanted this all to be true.   I wanted validation.  I wanted to KNOW that this can work.  I had read about this approach working for some, but in the back of my mind, I was hesitant.  After all, I have tried an intuitive eating approach before and wasn’t quite able to grasp it fully.  I always had weight loss on my mind.  My coach told me that I have one foot in each camp – one on the “dieting” side and one on the “recovery” side.  I wasn’t completely ready to let go of the “weight loss goal”.

Then, last weekend, it all hit the fan.  Something triggered and I got caught up in an emotional eating spree…

I stopped, regrouped and used my newfound skills to work my way out of it.  It was an empowering feeling!  No guilt, no shame, no “quick fix” diet thoughts.  Just moving forward. 

It was then I realized that nothing will change for me without healing from emotional eating.   It was then, I also realized that weight loss isn’t my main goal anymore.  Do I want weight loss to happen?  Sure, it would be great.  Do I want to be happy, accept myself and live life without waking up everyday and focusing on how much I weigh or when I’m going to fit in skinny jeans?  Absolutely!  I actually want it more.

So, here I go.  Taking a huge step in transforming myself – mind, body and spirit.  This time I have the skills.  And the faith.  Ready, set… jump.

Have a great day, everyone!

Hi everyone!  How it’s going? 

Me?  My pants are tight.  Thanks.  Bye.

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Oh, you’re still here.  Okay, I guess we’ll get into it. 

So, the pants…yeah, they’re tight.  Like tight at the waist so the donut top is forming.  Bad.  Very bad.

But they fit…barely.

I wish I could blame it on some magical fat fairy that sprinkled blubber dust on me while I was sleeping, however that would be denial.  And I can’t do denial anymore because it’s what lead to this…

Scary.  All of it – the picture, the pants, the overeating.  I wish I could blame it on stress, but life is good and I’m not feeling stressed out much. 

I wish I could blame it on holidays.  It’s been part of the equation with the birthday celebrations and Thanksgiving, but if I am being honest, I started losing hold over my eating about 2 weeks before the half marathon  and it’s been slowly unfolding since then.

It kinda snuck up on me.  I “thought” that I was doing okay.  Yes, I knew that I was overeating here and there.  But what’s a day or two?  Then, I realized it was more than I was admitting to.  There have been way too many bites, licks and tastes.  My portions have gotten bigger and some in-between snacking has been occurring.  Not in epic proportions like my previous battles, but enough that it’s making a difference in my clothes.  Me. no. likey.

I haven’t visited the scale.  I made my peace with ditching the obsessive weighing a while ago.  It’s really been great.  Until now.  And now, I’m scared of it.  I don’t want to get on and see the numbers that will send me into a panic of searching out the latest fad diet and spiraling back into the world of deprivation.

What to do?

A million thoughts marched through my head.  Should I go back to Weight Watchers?  To counting? A new plan is out, so it will be different and exciting?!

Then, just as I was falling asleep last night, I found myself saying, “You know what to do.  Just get back to doing it.”

That simple. 

Although the excitement of a new plan is enticing, it’s not necessary.  I know what to do.  I have come a long way this past year with intuitive eating and lessening my emotional eating.  I have just lost my way recently.  See, intuitive eating and mindful eating take a LOT of work.  The intuitive part, well….that still eludes me sometimes, but it’s getting better.  The mindful part, yeah… hard, hard work.  It takes tons of practice and quite honestly, sometimes you just feel like saying “eff it.”  But, then “eff it” gets you tight pants, so it’s not really the way to go   I’ve let myself get complacent and fall into “easy.”  It’s time to reign it in and redirect.

I’m not making myself any big and fast promises.  I know it will take a little time to undo the tight pants and refocus.  This is just a slight setback.  Time to move forward… no guilt…no shame…no one to blame

There is no failure except in no longer trying.  ~Elbert Hubbard

And I’ll never stop trying.

Have a great day, everyone!

So nice to catch up with everyone yesterday!  I came across some yummy eats, too that I’m looking forward to trying out

I started the morning off with some press and a handful of almonds…

and I was out the door for my Week 8 training run!  Week 8!!!  I can’t believe the half marathon is in 4 weeks!

All went well with this run.  I finished up 4.5 miles doing 8:1 intervals on the GYMBOSS  and felt A-okay

I headed straight from my run to errands.  They took way longer than I planned, but thankfully I had a Larabar stashed in my handbag to chomp on. 

As soon as I walked in the door to the house, I unloaded my bags and headed right to the fridge!  I needed quick and easy.  A turkey wrap always works for that!

I jazzed it up with a new (to me) find at Trader Joe’s – Three Layer Hummus…

The cilantro layer was my favorite!

All rolled up in a brown rice tortilla and served with a handful (x 2  ) of corn chips along with carrots…

After school activities took up the afternoon, so dinner was simple, too.  Trader Joe’s Grilled Turkey Burger topped with lite havarti, wasabi mustard and dots of ketchup (<—- you are perfectly entitled ridicule this in the comments) served with roasted potatoes that I could live on forever and roasted butternut squash… a close second…

I’m feelin’ a bit of chocolate to be necessary as I write this post.  I’ll be “good”.  Promise

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I’ve gotten a few emails asking about how I’m doing with intuitive eating.  I don’t have too much to report other than I’m keeping the course as best I can.  I am currently reading (slowly) through Mindful Eating by Jan Chozen Bays.  It’s a very zen-like approach to mindful eating.  Some of the exercises are a little over the top and uncomfortable for me to grasp (i.e.  tongue exercises where you eat a food and pay close attention to every movement of your tongue- uh, sorry I’m not doin’ that).  However, I like the approach to discovering the meaning of food in your life.  It’s a very forgiving book, but not permissive, if that makes sense.

I’m seeing bits of progress everyday.  I am starting to understand satiety, but I do still struggle with hunger and the panic that evokes sometimes.  I can share one recent example of progress.  The other day, a situation made me upset and frustrated.  I worked through it and after I calmed down, it dawned on me that I handled the situation without feeling the need to involve food.  Normally, I would have ran to the nearest sweet, salty and crunchy.  Only this time, I didn’t even think about food!  I just freaked out and was done.  Weird!  But good

Now, what was that about chocolate????

Have a great day, everyone!

Do you have a recent example of progress on your journey?  Please share!